i Fly

when i was a child i learned that the indians ("native americans" i would later learn) believe that to talk about, to actively think about an incident means that you are in effect telling the cosmos to bring it on.

that, like many other bits and pieces of things i have read or heard along my way, i tucked away in the jagged shadows of my mind. it became a part of me and what i believe; it became what i make of myself. it became what i am becoming.

i think now of moving away from here, from these golden, rolling hills and the cracked rocks falling into the oceans of california, the bellissima that is sunset on highway 1 to half moon bay, that is coming down on the bridge to the east bay hills under the redden-purple of the clouds descending to the left and the yellow-green mixing smog to the right. i think of how satisfying my life is here right now:

content.

there is no pursuing of happiness there is no longing to be somedream else there is no pushing to runrunrun there is no discontentment of thisthis moment there is only

(( a breath ))

without the gasping that succeeds it without asthmatic wheezing without the choking for more more more (adventures) (journeys) (yous)

.period.

and when i think of moving, finding that alwaysthere dream on the other coast where i hole myself away in the tower of ivory and papyrus, of onlyme and the written histories of All Those Before

when i think of this, it is easy of me to think of happiness there, too, following me, coming with me (you) being there too

if i believe it (it), too, will c o m e.
(even if this is not mine to promise)

[[third parte]]

and i remember now, connected with these two thoughts, this final (fulfilling) image:
a dream, my mostoftenrepeated, the One that you Feel you Are,
truth fulfilled nirvana seen through and what
you picture heaven to be:

the dream that is not a dream, the one that is alter-image of this lifetime (which is
Actually
only a dream)

i am running so fast and so hard (there is no one behind me)
running without feeling the pain of pushing so hard (there is no one)
and i am willing myself faster
.Faster.
(there is no)
and, leaning forward,
i Go faster

i Fly.